Priorities

"There are only two women in the world: my wife and everyone else. I did not make vows to everyone else." ~ Dr. Bruce Lowe

The other day I was in a professor's office with a couple of other students. We were debriefing from our internships and talking about ministry and the future. One of the things my professor, Dr. Bruce Lowe, wanted to stress to each of us was the importance and priority of our wives. He wanted to make sure our wives came first... always. He said the above and I think he is absolutely right. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen pastors, missionaries, seminary professors, etc. sacrifice their relationship with their wives on the altar of ministry. When challenged on it they might say something like, "I am doing God's work." True, you may be, but if you are putting your call to be a pastor before your call to be a husband, you have your priorities out of order.

When Paul quoted from Genesis 2:24 in Ephesians 5:22-32 (the most famous words about marriage in the Bible), he was making an incredibly radical statement to the first century Christians: your wife is more important than any other earthly relationship in your life. There is no other relationship where the two cleave together and become one flesh, none. Often this passage is pointed to when one is discussing roles in marriage, and it has much to tell us about that, but, role arguments aside, I would like to point out that about two-thirds of these verses are about what the husband does for the wife and they show (for both of them) a commitment which supersedes any other earthly commitment. I would also like to point out that it tells us the Church is the bride of Christ, not the bride of a pastor, missionary, or seminary professor. She has one husband, one Savior, one Head, and His name is Jesus Christ.

By His Grace,
Taylor

The Role of the Pastor's Wife

"The first thing to say on this topic is that the Bible does not establish an office for 'elder/pastor wife.' It doesn't offer her a job description. This in turn means an elder's wife should not feel forced into some mold or set of expectations. Rather, an elder's wife should feel free to simply be a happy, healthy, growing Christian who seeks to fulfill the 'one another' commands in the context of her church just like every other member should." ~ Jonathan Leeman

What is the role of a pastor's wife? As I am about to graduate from RTS and applying to churches, this question comes to my mind a lot. I am sure it is something Erika thinks about as well. I have even answered this question on a few applications. I have generally answered it in the same way as Leeman, though not nearly as eloquently and without as much experience to back up my answer. Below is a little more of Leeman's article:

What role should a pastor's wife or elder's wife play in the church? What are her responsibilities? How can she serve as a helpmate to her husband in the ministry?  

THERE IS NO "PASTOR'S WIFE" OFFICE 

The first thing to say on this topic is that the Bible does not establish an office for "elder/pastor wife." It doesn't offer her a job description. This in turn means an elder's wife should not feel forced into some mold or set of expectations. Rather, an elder's wife should feel free to simply be a happy, healthy, growing Christian who seeks to fulfill the "one another" commands in the context of her church just like every other member should.  

Shouldn't the pastor/elder's wife seek to love and serve the church as occasion permits and as gifts allow? Yes, but only because she is a Christian, not because she is an elder's wife.
Some pastors' wives will want to play the piano, run VBS, and lead the women's retreat. Great! Others will find themselves more fully occupied in the home as well as in the work of private hospitality or neighborhood evangelism. Great! 

An elder or pastor's wife, like every Christian, should engage in private ministry. But there is nothing in the Bible which says that she must engage in public ministry.  

UNHELPFUL EXPECTATIONS FROM THE CHURCH...

I recommend reading the whole thing. You can find it in 9 Mark's website.

By His Grace,
Taylor

The Pastor's Wife

"The truth is, the Bible has no office or job description called 'pastor’s wife.' This is because the pastor’s wife is simply to be a Christian church member like everyone else. Her first priorities are to be a godly woman, godly wife, and then godly mother, after which all other duties fall." ~ Mark Driscoll

They say that the second toughest job in the Church is being the pastor of a church. Do you know what the hardest job is? Being the pastor's wife. This is something I have thought about a lot because I may one day be a pastor and my wife will have to deal with that. She is a gracious, compassionate, loving, patient woman who I know is definitely up to the task as long as the church we may serve in one day does not try to place expectations on her that are unrealistic or, worse yet, sinful.

Mark Driscoll wrote a post on The Resurgence about loving the pastor's wife that is really good. (Thank you to my friend, and soon-to-be pastor, Adam Powers for sharing it with me.) The quote above comes from it and the rest you can read here. Read it and then think about how you treat the pastor's wife at your church and make sure you are not placing expectations on her that she does not need.

By His Grace,
Taylor